Sam

We  meet our protagonist, DAN, as he sits shifty and nervously across the desk from several powerful movie studio executives. They are reading through a script he has given them. Finally after much silence, the head boss sitting down, announces.

HEAD BOSS

It’s a piece of shit.

DAN

But-

HEAD BOSS

I SAID… it’s garbage. Rewrite it or take it to Universal, they’ll produce anything these days.

Dan is speechless and powerless. He slowly gets out of his chair and retreats out of the room. When he gets to the door, however, he turns and with an unusual gust of bravery, speakes his mind.

DAN

Mr. Boss, to be frank, this is a straight up detective movie. Film Noir at its most refined. Now I’m not proclaiming it’s a masterpiece or even an Oscar winner, which would be a one reason for your rejection, but sir, how does the man who attaches his name to “The Bumblee Stampede” even remotely thinks this script is anything but worthy. For… for… years I have labored at the keyboard to bring this to you at your very own…. commision! The plot is simple yet compelling, I’ve infused action and wit on an “Iron Man” level, for Christ sake the part was written for Matt Damon and…. and.. the girls ride motorcycles! So may I ask what is wrong with this movie!??

The room is deathly silent. The standing producers are at a loss for words. The Big Boss stands now, seemingly dwarfing Dan with his presence, and throws the script on the floor. It lands on the first page of dialogue and we see that the hero’s name is “SAM EAGLE.” Dan doesn’t get it and the Big Boss explodes.

BIG BOSS

Is this a fucking joke! Some screenwriter’s idea of a making a fool of me?? SAM FUCKING EAGLE??? Get your sorry, no good, ego-ridden, Yale-wasted, puny shit-for-brains asshole out of my office before I make you choke on this.

Dan is gone in a hurry, leaving the script on the floor. The Big Boss picks it up and hands it to another producer.

BIG BOSS

Call Disney and sell it to them. I’d like to see Sam Eagle in this actually.

THE END

 

 

Kafka Dreamin’

Tom is a college age bachelor sitting in his apartment by himself. He is cramming for an exam and it is not going well. Tom grows agitated and tosses his textbook to the floor. An exclamation is heard coming from the book.

VOICE

Hey, watch it!

TOM

Huh?

Tom gets up and picks up the book, examining it.

VOICE

Down here, stupid!

Tom looks down and sees the source of the voice. It is a cockroach. He can scarcely believe it.

TOM

What the hell??

ROACH

Yeah, that’s what I said when I saw your face!

TOM

But you’re a talking cockroach!

ROACH

And you’re ugly.

TOM

I’m ugly?

ROACH

There has to be some reason I don’t see any babes around.

TOM

I happen to be studying for an exam I have… in five hours… crap.

ROACH

You don’t say! What subject?

TOM

Women in the Middle Ages.

ROACH

Oh buddy, you must be desperate! Well, I don’t know nothing about Medieval chicks, but as for the 21st century I got ya covered.

TOM

But… you’re a cockroach!

ROACH

Yeah… about that-

At that moment a flash of light emanates off screen and a full grown man appears. His name is Charlie.

TOM

What the hell is going on!!

CHARLIE

It’s called transfiguration and you can call me Charlie. Now first things first, let’s check out the wardrobe. Come on, stinky!

Charlie exits into the bedroom. Tom remains seated and is in complete shock.

CHARLIE

Hey stinky! Do you mind if I have some friends over? They should be here any minute.

At that moment a doorbell is heard and Tom goes to answer the door. He opens it to only be engulfed by a swarm of roaches and other insects. Tom wakes up on the couch in a panick- he has been dreaming. Just as he recovers he thinks he sees a cockroach on the floor but he’s mistaken. As he begins to start reading again, however, the figure of Charlie slowly rises behind him.

THE END