Last night I had probably the most emotionally intense dream of my life.
As you may or may not know, my dreams are usually very vivid, very real, and I usually remember the details, sometimes even quotes from others or myself. Well last night I had one of those dreams. And to protect the guilty I will change the names of the people involved where I see fit.
I was at a party at someone’s house. I don’t remember who’s house or for what reason we were partying, but we were. And there were lots of people I know there. I was partaking of the dancing ( I danced with Erin) and just having a fun time while waiting for Jessica to show up. I even danced with Lillian if you can believe it and like usual she was indifferent to my flirtations as I stroked my hand over her back and shoulders. A little later on, she came back to me and told me to kiss her. The whole drama was that Brad was liking her but she wanted to show him that she didn’t like him, to do that she wanted me to kiss her. Well before she could finish explaining I took her in my arms and kissed her with such a feeling of atonement and accomplishment and sheer happiness. Now at first our kiss was just acting but when I tried to pull away she wouldn’t let me and I got the hint and we smooched a while longer.
After that was finished I was struck by not exactly guilt but by fear. Like what if Jessica had arrived during the make out session? And seen me? Fortunately she was not yet there and in the end she never arrived. I, however, was walking around on Cloud 9 still having fun at the partying. Then for some reason I stepped outside to the driveway.
By a car I found Lillian really upset. I asked her what was wrong and she began crying and pouring out her soul to me. About how much she missed me, and her regret for not being with me when she had the chance. Now I began crying. I embraced her from behind and told her that’d it be all right; all while crying together and realizing how much we needed each other. That little bit right there was the emotion roller coaster I endured last night. I have experienced nothing like that in all my dreams. BUT IT GETS BETTER.
While I was comforting Lillian, Deirdre appeared out of nowhere! She asked me if Lillian had a better voice than her. I was torn between two women whom I loved very much. And despite my water works for Lillian, I told Deirdre that Lillian didn’t have as good a voice as her, effectively making my choice. What was so sad about the whole thing was that even Deirdre was crying, though not balling such as Lillian and I.
After that the dream ended but it was so surreal and disturbingly realistic that I woke up in such a state of distress! I still don’t know how to react to all that, but it sure was a trip.