Disney’s Sick Obsession with Pitch Blackness

So a couple weeks ago I went to Walt Disney World with my girlfriend, best friend, and his girlfriend. Cute, I know.

The first park we went to was of course the Magic Kingdom and the first thing we did was the Carousel of Progress and as we walked there Roger and I began to talk about the new Space Mountain ride. I say new, because for those who don’t know , the attraction had been closed for months for renovations. Among these new upgrades include complete and absolute darkness. Now I’m not a roller coaster guy anyways, but hey, I suck it up every now and then and face my fear. Not this time. Not with, as Spongebob would say, “Advance Darkness.” No way José.

So Roger and I’s big problem with the ride was, of course, the advance darkness and consequently opted for Tom Sawyer’s Island while our fearless girlfriends rode Space Mountain.

But forget you just read that last sentence. Let’s get back to what I was talking about before- the Carousel of Progress.

As we take our seats, before the things starts, the lights suddenly go out! All of a sudden we’re plunged in darkness and all my heart can do is race with adrenaline as it anticipates a terrifying fall into the dark abyss. My girlfriend had to then reassure me that that was not going to happen. Don’t worry folks, I couldn’t believe myself either.

So from then on I began to notice that on virtually every ride and attraction at the Walt Disney World (we also went to Epcot and MGM Studios) there was a point where the lights went out. Now obviously not every ride has “Advance Darkness” like Space Mountain but come on Disney, there’s a limit on how much people can take. Sure it’s a cool effect but for babies, old people, and me it’s a sick way to mess with your mind and potentially give any of the aforementioned people a heart attack. And I’m not scared of the dark, I’m just scared of having the Carousel of Progress turn into the Tower of Terror and suddenly plunge me into a hell that blind people experience every time they trip themselves.

So to the corporate heads at Disney who are perfectly safe at their desks under the constant glow of florescent bulbs, I say lighten up a little.

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