I’m Not a Pessimist, But…

If you know me then you know I am alway trying to stay on the upbeat. I know that can sound really cliche, but for real, life is too meaningful to waste with a bad attitude. For Pete’s sake, I’ve resisted sunglasses for years for the purpose of wanting to take it the vast aray of colors this planet has to offer. No matter what has got me down at any given moment I try to find the good- desperately sometimes for my own sanity.

I’m not a pessimist, but after today’s attacks in Boston, my core belief of unbridled optimism has been severely shaken. I mean, you can’t ever be ignorant to the plights of humanity and dig your head into the sand, but dammit this is too much.

My first reaction to hearing of the deaths and injured was (and I don’t mean to sound callous) “It could have been worse.” I know that is of no consolation to the grieving, but after Sandy Hook and even September 11th, it really could have been. And therefore the real tragedy is the fact that that’s what I thought. Have we become desensitized to the horror? Despite all of our efforts at prevention, do we all deep deep down, expect tragedies like this to occur now on an almost yearly basis?

That’s where I felt shock, anger, and an overwhelming disappointment in humanity. I know nobody can answer how or why we’ve evolved (or devolved) to this state. Why the world seemed perfect not too long ago. I guess it wasn’t- the massacres have always been there- but for some reason we never expected it the way we do now. As a part of life.

There has been a clear and drastic shift in the collective mentality of the world since September 11, 2001 and it has been reaffirmed today at the Boston Marathon. For all the good in the world, there is so much evil and we must never give in, but damn is it hard. It really can be scary out there and as much as I truly want my children to attend parades, festival, marathons, public schools, go to the movies, to just LIVE THEIR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO LIFE AND PURSUE HAPPINESS, I can’t do so comfortably. I can’t even do all the above comfortably!

Because of today. Because of four months ago. Because of last year. Because of the year before that…. and the year before that…. and thirteen years ago…. and I have to ask, WHEN WILL IT HAPPEN AGAIN? Because I know it will… and maybe that feeling’s not so deep down anymore.

I’m not a pessimist, but I know it will…

“So if September 11, 2001, was the day our innocence was taken, then April 15, 2013, is the reminder that it is never coming back”- LZ Granderson for CNN


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